I know I know, you haven't seen a post from me in a long time right?
Where have I been??
2019 has been a year of constant re-evaluation and re-structuring. I've changed my work schedule three times, dropped certain extra-curricular activities, gotten more involved with the office I hold at church, considered different career end-goals, and got engaged to the love of my life💞. I initially started all the changes to help me reach personal goals, but along the way I've found that the things I thought were going to bring me success, weren't. In the process of figuring things out, I've stopped taking care of myself, postponed fun side projects I wanted to begin, and even have abandoned this blog in many ways. Although getting engaged is such a happy occurrence, I was focusing more on the negatives.
As the year began to descend, I found myself thinking over and over how another year had gone by where I had not reached my desired space in life. But then I had to check myself.
We don't ever suddenly reach a goal. There is always a process to get a desired product. A journey to the destination. I looked at 2019 as a collection of failures, but I've recently realized that it's the collection of failures that will bring me the success I desire. In the past, I'd continued to take actions that didn't work, get disappointed at the end of the year, get re-motivated, and then do the same thing that didn't help me reach my goal.
Through my trial and error, I learned that the biggest reason I kept failing was because something was missing. Over the last few months, God revealed to me that it was Him. Now don't get me wrong, I didn't abandon God this 2019, but rather, the last couple years I got comfortable in lack of spiritual growth, lack of personal character development, and lost sight of the plan God placed on my heart long ago. I didn't stop growing in these ways because I didnt want to, but because the last two years have been a constant emotional rollercoaster. At the beginning of 2019, the Lord answered my prayer that the highs and lows would stop, and I'd be able to just relax and breathe like an actual human. He did that for me, but then I became really comfortable, forgetting about the work I needed to put in to get to where God wanted me to be. Thankfully, He opened my eyes further, helping me to recognize the many flaws in the way I attacked my personal goals. In fact, I even realized the flaws in the goals themselves. All a result of opening my heart and digging into The Word.
Not only am I joining my life with one of my favorite people on this planet, but my goals themselves have begun changing. My heart is changing. My relationship with God is changing. Really, everything is changing. And that’s what being a Christian first and foremost is about. We won't ever be able to reach our perfect selves until Jesus returns, thus, this life is all about growing closer and closer to the ultimate goal. The entire christian life is a road of reconstruction. So here's to enjoying the process of being under reconstruction and not putting a time limit on it. Here's to letting God show me what He wants, and letting Him take me there without a clock.
I always said, this blog was going to be about my journey to being my most authentic self, but in many ways I felt as if I had to know everything perfectly, before I can talk about it. But no! With instagram as my main platform, and here as a resource / supplement, I will bring you along this continued journey with me. This time sharing my ups, and downs, lessons, bible studies, and general Christian lifestyle tips!